It’s no secret that movie franchises are the go to for studios to make their money. From the Marvel Cinematic Universe to Harry Potter, the film franchise, good or bad, is consistently a cash cow. The Fifty Shades franchise is no different. A book series based on Twilight erotic fan fiction even follows Twilight in terms of quality of film adaptations. What was once thought as a bad film that could not be topped, 2015’s Fifty Shades Of Grey, has not only been bested by its sequel, Fifty Shades Darker but cements its place at the top of the list as one of the worst franchises of all time.
In the conclusion of Fifty Shades Of Grey, we see our leading lady Anastasia Steele leave Christian Grey’s “red room” after a too hard slap on the butt. A baffling end to an already mind-blowingly terrible film. As we enter Fifty Shades Darker, Christian Grey attempts to entice a more “cautious” Anastasia Steele into rekindling their relationship. After Grey in his ever so “lovingly” creepy way purchases portraits of her at an art show, Anastasia says “sure why not” and gives the relationship another shot. What female wouldn’t go back to the man that they left after being spanked too hard and doesn’t open up to her? What follows is a rekindled romance of two of the most uninteresting people ever put on film as they attempt to build trust and find stability, all while being haunted by the ghosts of Grey’s past in a span of 2 and a half minutes. Here’s to you, Elena!
If anyone is wondering if there is anything more to the film, the answer is no. Fifty Shades Darker is as straight forward a terrible film as it gets. From the lack of character development in Anastasia Steele – her character is as bland as a piece of toast to the love of her life, Christian Grey, who is not only tiresome but obsessively insecure the way no man would ever be forgiven for but in this universe he is becuse of his looks and money. Female readers/moviegoers let his sadistic and perverse nature go and instead find it romantic and endearing.
The laughable continuity issues within the film are so glaring that they can not be ignored. I’ve never read the books nor do I ever plan to, but I did screen the film with our editor, who did read it and was able to point out the book to screen similarities and differences. During a scene taken from the books with some slight differences, Christian puts Ben Wa balls in Anastasia before the big masquerade ball. The balls are placed to keep her excitement up until they can be alone after. They are set to affect everything she does except they don’t. She only really feels them when they are sitting at the dinner table, yet she rode to the ball in the limo and didn’t feel them there? This continuity issue is probably due to terrible editing. However, is anyone surprised? It’s issues like these that fail the adaptation from book to screen.
While the film was meant to make moviegoers feel sexy, it provided more comedy than arousal. During my screening, there were numerous times where laughter was loud from both males and females thanks to cheesy dialogue and awkward moments. There was once such outburst towards the end of the film, where Christian yells at Anastasia and proceeds to tell her, “Do what you’re told for once,” and laughter erupted. When in this film and in the first, does she not do what he wants? Quite the head-scratching moment from a mess of a film.
Now on to the main event: the hot steamy sex between Christian and Anastasia. Is it hot? Is it steamy? Not from my end. What we have here are rejected scenes from a soft core porn film you can find on Cinemax. If sex is the selling point, then the studio should have taken the risk and rated these films NC-17 as they could have stretched out the limits of these scenes and done the books justice. Unfortunately, they fail miserably and depending on the film’s soundtrack during all of these scenes, it comes off as pure promotion. This soundtrack is not as goo as the first one’s either. 
Aided by one of the worst climaxes in film history, Fifty Shades Darker fails in every possible way. From its piss poor dialogue to continuity issues, and not so steamy sexual dynamic, the film accomplishes something I thought would be impossible – it’s worst than the first. Cementing its place in the conversation for worst franchises of all time, this film should be in the conversation for one of the worst films ever made.
This Valentine’s Day, watch more of The LEGO Batman Movie and John Wick: Chapter 2 and less of Fifty Shades Darker.
Reel Talk gives Fifty Shades Darker .5 Reels
